One Load at a Time

It's crazy to think that in just a few short weeks I'm going to be a mama.  Time is flying by yet at the same time is just creeping along.  While I have been feeling great and would have loved to continue working, airline policies had me moving back to Canada at 34 weeks.  The extra time I've had at home has allowed me to slowly prepare for this bundle of joy.  Picking up the crib and change table over Christmas gave me the first hints of, 'WOW! This is actually happening!'  And now, my room is filled with cloth diapers, baby clothes (for both a boy and girl because I still don't know what the sex is), receiving blankets, a bassinet, the beginnings of a children's library, and all the little extras that babies need.   Today I picked up a stroller and car seat. I think I have all I need for this baby and me to be comfortable for awhile.

The first load of baby laundry I did was unlike any other laundry experience.  I was filled with mixed emotions. One being, oh my goodness, I'm going to be doing a lot of laundry over the next few years.  The other feeling was excitement for the new baby.  Excitement to hold and kiss my baby for the first time and to not let go for a long time.  Excitement to go on beach walks and forest walks to enjoy nature with my little one.  I'm excited to nurse my baby, both day and night, and to feel that bond that many mothers talk about.  And I cannot wait to read to him/her books that I loved as a child.

The mundane task of folding laundry has also allowed me to spend time in thought.  Thinking about not only the possibilities of the future but also of the challenges that I will face as a single parent.  It's not often that I just sit and think.  As someone who likes to keep busy either by reading or walking, sitting and thinking is not natural for me. I'm slowly learning to just be. This morning I watched a big, black crow just hanging out in one of the trees in the front yard. He had no cares that I could see. He was just sitting, looking out to the water and enjoying the peace of the morning sunrise.  I took his cue, and made a cup of coffee this morning, added my craving of the week, chocolate milk, and just looked out the window at the newly fallen snow and the peacefulness that is all around me.

If you have any advice on how to live in the present and to tame this sometimes, frantic mind of mine, I would greatly appreciate it.  For now, I will continue to fold laundry and just be, one load at a time.